tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7557679011566521438.post7687490491295537022..comments2023-11-03T07:59:43.899-07:00Comments on The Great Big IF...: When Being Open About Infertility is Not a Good ThingShelbyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06085283320884411888noreply@blogger.comBlogger13125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7557679011566521438.post-70364743358562477072013-06-11T13:50:34.149-07:002013-06-11T13:50:34.149-07:00This is a great post. I too, get it. Even though I...This is a great post. I too, get it. Even though I'm in the middle of compiling an anthology on IF and miscarriage, with a very public website to go with it (balaustineanthology.com), I'm still absolutely terrified every time I mention my story to anyone. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7557679011566521438.post-61423567642342420812013-05-31T05:24:29.257-07:002013-05-31T05:24:29.257-07:00This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.Muneer Hussianhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12039840529020896235noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7557679011566521438.post-7227093999455205422013-05-18T01:11:32.265-07:002013-05-18T01:11:32.265-07:00Thanks for sharing, though that must have been an ...Thanks for sharing, though that must have been an awful experience. I originally wanted to be open about our infertility, but it does make me feel very vulnerable, and after several hurtful comments I've become much more reluctant to share. But IF is such a big part of my life that it doesn't feel right to not tell people close to me about it...Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7557679011566521438.post-74159260377977904742013-05-17T07:55:34.329-07:002013-05-17T07:55:34.329-07:00Also, should say I really appreciate your balanced...Also, should say I really appreciate your balanced perspective on this topic, Shelby!erikahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12605689706523595437noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7557679011566521438.post-18201872631733464202013-05-17T07:14:05.908-07:002013-05-17T07:14:05.908-07:00I am semi-out about my IF, and being open about it...I am semi-out about my IF, and being open about it is a mixed bag for sure. All our closest friends, family members and coworkers know, and the list of people with whom I've shared my IF blog is ever (slowly) growing. When we had our first IUI last cycle, I practically shouted it from the rooftops ... then realized everyone was very eager to hear the results. It occurred to me that I didn't want to have to tell them either way, but now I had no choice. (BFN, BTW.) <br /><br />On the flip side, through being open, I've found real-life, in-the-flesh allies who are also going through this IF bullshit, which I feel has made it all worthwhile. Though I think the lesson I've learned is that for now, for my emotional well-being, I need to be more careful about sharing the specifics of our treatment.erikahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12605689706523595437noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7557679011566521438.post-58442435177385220992013-05-17T06:22:36.586-07:002013-05-17T06:22:36.586-07:00Really great post. I am one of those people that e...Really great post. I am one of those people that encourages advocacy efforts, but try to be more careful about "pushing" people to out themselves. <br /><br />I have been very public and it's had its pluses and minuses. If I had it to do over again, I would probably do it the same. But, I would have kept impending treatment more private. I learned my lesson and for the last several IVF cycles I did just that.<br /><br />It's certainly a precarious balance and ultimately a very personal choice. Whitney Andersonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14569527734184595195noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7557679011566521438.post-12407524355382915192013-05-16T20:11:02.749-07:002013-05-16T20:11:02.749-07:00Fantastic post! Honestly, I've been open with ...Fantastic post! Honestly, I've been open with friends, family, coworkers, bosses, acquaintances, and other IF people. Hindsight, I wish I hadn't. <br /><br />We've been trying for about three years (well, three years two months and 26 days as of today). We originally weren't going to tell anyone we were trying; we had been married for three years and had already endured that many years of 'When are you going to have a baby?' discussions. We tried to wait until we were both out of college, married, had good jobs, etc. We wanted to wait until we were ready in the best way we could be. <br /><br />So, we told my baby sister who was OVER THE MOON about it. She just grinned from ear to ear with happiness... One of our biggest supporters through it all! Then, we told our parents, friends, and family that we were trying. We didn't think it would take too long because both of our parents were super fertile (think about it and get pregnant. Got pregnant every time they wanted with minimal effort. My in-laws even had two surprise babies (my brother in law (born 11 months to the day after baby 1) and my husband (born 10 years after that).). <br /><br />We weren't prepared for IF. We have been pretty honest with everyone about it, including taking breaks on treatments and such. I've been told that I 'deserve having six kids at one time with no arms or legs because [I'm] playing God', 'it's not meant to be', 'do we not like kids', 'calm down and it will happen', 'are we doing it right?', 'why don't we just do IVF', etc. Instead of letting us just go about our lives while undergoing IF treatments (along with job changes, moving, others having babies, nieces and nephews, graduations, funerals, etc), we get bombarded with unsolicited comments, unprovoked revelations, and unfair questions. It isn't enough to go through the most difficult thing in my life and potentially never becoming a mother, but we have to endure people because we opened our big fat mouths. Honestly, if I could go back, I don't think I would tell anyone. <br /><br />I applaud those who share at any point (brave, selfless souls), and I would never discourage anyone from sharing. I would just suggest being prepared for the craziness that may ensue. CNSmith2006https://www.blogger.com/profile/02906673685987364068noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7557679011566521438.post-39096858132714048312013-05-16T08:18:35.515-07:002013-05-16T08:18:35.515-07:00I really appreciate the candidness of this post. I...I really appreciate the candidness of this post. I know how much I rally behind the "just talk about it" end of the movement - but I always say that with a caveat. Just talk about it... in a place that is safe and comforting. I think it's irresponsible to just constantly tell people to be open and forthcoming with everyone they meet about some deeply personal, intimate struggles - so I say kudos to you for calling that out.<br /><br />A great post - off to share!Keiko Zollhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13626943324988347787noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7557679011566521438.post-63566756707590750842013-05-13T22:08:44.041-07:002013-05-13T22:08:44.041-07:00Shelby-it's hard because on one hand you know ...Shelby-it's hard because on one hand you know that you're supposed to be in a family friendly field (I'm an SLP) and that you have reproductive rights, blah blah blah, but then really-at least by me, if your principal doesn't like what you're doing-you're gone. <br /><br />I've been told over and over how fortunate I am to have the principal I have, and that others would just flat out tell me no. I don't think they could actually get away with it if I pushed it, but thankfully, right now, I don't have to worry!MyRoseAmongThornshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09242358450734138295noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7557679011566521438.post-81366518219787834862013-05-09T19:43:24.207-07:002013-05-09T19:43:24.207-07:00I have to follow up that I was speaking about my p...I have to follow up that I was speaking about my previous district. My current boss is amazingly supportive and understanding. I've been at my current district for 5 years, through 3 IUIs, 1 IVF and 1 miscarriage and its been nothing but smooth sailing. (Unfortunately she's retiring this year, so I'm bracing myself if her replacement doesn't share the same empathy and pro-family stance). Shelbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06085283320884411888noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7557679011566521438.post-61524218281038539152013-05-09T12:34:23.404-07:002013-05-09T12:34:23.404-07:00Mrs.DjRass-sharing is a blessing and a curse-if yo...Mrs.DjRass-sharing is a blessing and a curse-if you share your journey, there isn't really a way to hide! Everyone knew about my first pregnancy when I found out-because I was in undergrad and I was frequently out for all the IVF required monitoring-so I told them why. But then when the result time came, they knew too. I didn't mind it too much, we celebrated, etc...but it is annoying when you do want to keep something to yourself. <br /><br />Shelby-I'm so sorry to hear about your principal! So crazy...I'm 26, so other than the looks like I have 6 heads when people find out I not only have kids, but am going for more, I have only experienced positive remarks. And thank goodness my principal is 100% pro-family...<br /><br />I think it truly is great to share-even when it hurts-because people need to know how much it hurts. <br /><br />MyRoseAmongThornshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09242358450734138295noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7557679011566521438.post-2989106101749184842013-05-09T10:48:37.350-07:002013-05-09T10:48:37.350-07:00Oh...You are so right! I was open to a few people...Oh...You are so right! I was open to a few people. I thought it was the right thing to do. But after a failure, I just didn't want to discuss my thoughts and feelings with anyone other than my husband. Because I had let these folks in, they thought it was their right to continue to ask. I stopped talking about it. I won't hide it, but I've made it clear that it's not a journey that I'm sharing.MrsDjRasshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07616044853081447480noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7557679011566521438.post-71505215932580777852013-05-08T15:26:08.489-07:002013-05-08T15:26:08.489-07:00Really great post Shelby. I don't regret havin...Really great post Shelby. I don't regret having been open about my infertility, but at the time- in that moment- it was also hard, and it *did* change all my relationships. Very well said.AnotherDreamerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11487881766884178761noreply@blogger.com