FIF 2011!! March 18-20, 2011

Hi all!

For the few of you that are still sticking around (which is amazing considering my overwhelming absence) or for those of you who have just happened upon this, I am here to invite you to the ever fabulous FIF (f$#* infertility) 2011!!  This is a fan-frickin-tastic event where IF ladies will get together March 18-20, 2011 in fabulous (and always notorious) Las Vegas, Nevada to completely indulge until they forget what cervical mucous or a progesterone shot in the ass even is.  Personally, I think it'll take quite a few margaritas to accomplish this for me, but I believe I'm up to the challenge.  And I believe that in doing so, I will be giving Jimmy Buffett a run for his money.

And truly, I invite all ladies from the ALI blogoshpere to join us.

Yeah, sorry, it's ladies only for now gentleman, because what fun would these guys be with the DHs in tote??:

 (Lol...the irony is that my DH, Mr. S, located this image for me)

Ok, I confess, FIF 2011 looks sort of like a pseudo bachelorette party. But after all the shit we've been through, I think it's safe to say that we could use a few stiff drinks down our gullet. And perhaps a few laughable male strippers to gyrate in our direction because I've never seen male strippers before and I think it would be high-larious.

And don't be surprised if I show up on the Vegas strip come FIF weekend with a pair of ovaries attached to a headband (with a few cocktail monkeys thrown in for good measure), because this is just a different type of celebration. It's a celebration of survival and sisterhood and camaraderie and 'F infertility because I will not let it get the best of me or steal my enjoyment in life!!'  And I guarantee it's going to be fabulous and healing and just all around AWESOME!! And that at the beginning of each night, we will toast 'f%$* inferility'!! And at the end of each night, we won't be able to remember why the hell we're even wearing ovaries on our heads!! (OK, no worries, I will not make you wear ovaries on your head---it will be strictly voluntary)

So with that, I invite all IF ladies. Whether you are newly diagnosed and have not been through treatment, whether you are in the throes of treatment, whether you have a kid or two at home, whether you have chosen to live child free, whether you are in the beginning stages of adoption or are newly paper pregnant, whether you have no idea where you are, or anywhere in between all that I've mentioned (or even a combination of the above), I invite you to enjoy the partnership and connection of those who 'get you' much more than many do.  There is already an amazing group of IF ladies who have committed to this and they alone are with the trip out. So if IF has found a place in your life, I know you could use a place to unwind. Let the ladies coming to FIF 2011 help you do just that!

If you're seriously interested in joining us, please let me know at redrivershel at gmail dot com. Everyone is coordinating (ie paying for) their own travel and lodging arrangements, but I want to make sure that we all keep in touch.

Seriously...DO IT!!!

F* You, Infertility

I've spent almost the last year (more if you count pregnancy) floating in a state of happy non-treatment. I cannot tell you how freeing and normalizing it felt to distance myself from anything that resembled a needle or a clinic waiting room or stirrups or two week waits so that when I sat in front of my RE today, I was surprised to be so completely reminded.

I'm infertile. Oh, yeah. I almost forgot.

I mean, I didn't really almost forget, but the sick feeling of dysfunction, the overwhelming costs and treatment plans, the slippery grip on hope feeling like I may be getting back on this treadmill for nothing, well, it all came back again.  

And suddenly my plans to organize Fuck Infertility Vegas 2011 (see below, especially if you're interested in joining us) took on a new meaning, new life. This visit breathed new fire into my hatred for infertility and all that it has robbed from me and my bloggy/real life friends. I was reminded that this is what it feels like to be infertile. It was nice to pretend that it didn't exist for a moment, but this afternoon was my return.  I remembered life before my dream came true and although logic may convince others that we have a shot at a second child given the success of our first IVF, the years before little G dominate and convince me that it's likely all for naught and at once I'm defeated again.

Damn you, infertility. No, fuck you infertility.

Don't get me wrong. I am not defeated in the way I once was. I am over the top blessed with Little G, but this post is not about what is but about the memories and the mark they left on my heart. And the mark they continue to carve into the hearts of those I care about. My years of infertility taught me to think in such a specific, cautious, and even negative way.  And it is such a wretched feeling to sit in that chair again. 

You're probably wondering what brought us back to the clinic. #2? Well, yes, but not yet. I had no intentions of returning so soon (and trust me, I feel that almost 2 years is quite soon), but we recently met our high deductible on our new insurance and diagnostics are covered 80% until December 31st, so this is just about getting that over with to get more bang for our buck for future use.  I'm not sure when that will be. We have two frozens--1 shot before we must return to discussion of a possible fresh and I recently learned that my Mother started menopause in her late 30's, so as far as I'm concerned, that clock truly is ticking.

In the mean time, I invite all of you pomegranate string-wearing, infertility-fighting lovely ladies to join me and my infertility sisterhood peeps in Vegas this Spring. We haven't nailed down a date yet, but late March is looking likely. Hate infertility? Let's toast! Loathe big needles full of progesterone in your bum? Put a few dollar bills in that Australian stripper guys thong.
Yeah, it's going to be that kind of trip. And you, my friend, are invited.**

**(more details to come)

PS For those that have requested access to my private blog...I'm sorry! I'm a spaz! I totally lost the login. I'll find it somewhere. I could use that therapy hour right about now...