Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Love Letter to my Belated Baby

Dear G,

I've been told that you'll never fully understand love until you have a child. Perhaps this is true for most, but I must have had a good idea before you arrived for the years spent seeking you were fueled by a motivation I can only describe as pure love, the type that leaves you without a second thought as you are plunging that syringe into your belly for someone whose face you've not yet even seen. I never once looked back as I knew that somewhere in that turmoil I would find you. As you now lay perfectly molded into my lap, I can easily say that I would turn back and take a million more syringes, spend a million more nights in heartache for you and somehow, I always knew it would be worth it. Your arrival has confirmed what I knew in my heart all along to be true.



What I didn't know and could have never planned for was how amazing you are. Today you're a month old and in that time, I've already learned so much about you. As you were entering this world, the nurse touched your head and noticed that your heart rate stabilized when she did this. You've loved to be touched since your birth, and when caressing your forehead, cheeks and head, your beautiful blue eyes begin to flutter to a close. You love music and especially to be sung to. As we dance around the living room together, your eyes lock on mine, unwavering as I sing along and for such a new creature, you already have so much depth behind those eyes and your gaze is already so intense and trusting.



You love nothing more than to be in just your diaper (or better yet, nothing, but we rarely brave that!) and despite your previous mood, as soon as your clothes are off, you are so instantly full of joy, earning you the nickname 'Dipey' (baby talk for diaper). Perhaps we have a budding nudist on our hands? At your happiest, you reward us with gentle coos and hints of social smiles. You make the sweetest squeaks in your sleep and have somehow in your short life managed to imitate every animal found at the zoo, including a baby elephant! I am so excited everyday to learn more, especially as you grow so quickly.

Almost as miraculous as you are is how you've managed to change your Dad and I overnight. We never could have imagined that we would be so comfortable incorporating baby talk into our regular vocabulary and find ourselves using it in public far too often. We somehow enjoy owning a minivan now and think an exciting night out on the town is a trip around the mall with your stroller. We have redefined our life in mere weeks and have done so happily. For you, I am certain, we would do anything and without a moment's pause.

This last month has seen me incredulous that such a perfect little man is now a part of my life. What did I do to deserve such a gift in life? Yes, we endured a lot to see you here, but the effort pales in comparison to the reward. So, my baby love, I want to thank you. Thank you for giving me this incredible experience of parenting you. It is already the most miraculous experience of my life, one that I would have easily waited the rest of my days for.

11 comments:

Courtney said...

love those pictures. He's a sweetie for sure!

MFA Mama said...

Beautiful pics, all of them, but that last one? AWWWW!

The Swann's said...

Love the letter to baby G! Every word. It may be for Baby G but it is also a strong reminder to me {and other IFers still waiting our turn} that it will all be worth it, ten fold!

Love all the photos!!! He is such a beautiful baby!!!

cheryllookingforward said...

This is beautiful!

banditgirl said...

Wow. I am so happy for you, Shel. So happy for you guys.

Sarang said...

Just one word.

Beautiful.

Another Dreamer said...

Oh, how those pictures warm my heart. Beautiful. And what sweet words.

Beth Smith said...

Congratulations, he's adorable

Angela said...

Beautiful letter. Beautiful baby! Congrats! Happy new Year!

Lut C. said...

Popping in from the crème de la crème list.

Lovely post, just lovely. And adorable pictures of your baby.

Glass Case of Emotion said...

Popping in from Creme de la Creme. Thank you so much for writing this... going on 4.5 years for me right now with Infertility, and I have to hold on to hope that this miracle is still possible.