Wednesday, January 13, 2010

New Year, New Me...Again.

My weight loss history is almost as involved and convoluted as my IF treatment history (although personally I would much rather be overweight than infertile-losing weight is cheaper and easier than IVF!). Let's just face it, I could put a yo-yo to shame...or Oprah. Yeah, me and Oprah are totally weight loss soul mates.

It started after getting married. Previous to that I had never been considered overweight, but I can assure you that I have NEVER been accused of being a beanpole. When Mr. S and I married, I was a size 6 (of course, that was after the ever famous 'starve yourself two months before the wedding' diet). Within 2 years I added a 1 in the tens place of that size number. There were several times I lost 10 pounds here, 10 pounds there, but it wasn't until New Years of 2006 that I realized my quick climb up to a final size 22 was my call to Jesus (especially as I learned how it would effect my fertility). Over the next year and a half, I busted my ass and was back down to a 6 (which translated to 90+ pounds). Truly though, maintenance is much harder than weight loss and the following years certainly proved that.

After having lost that weight, I promised myself that I would not let myself slip again, but then pregnancy happened and moreover, I really, really let it happen. In fact, I gained 10-15 pounds in my first pregnancy alone, one that lasted only 10 weeks. Of course, the grief of loss also added to that. Then, my IVF and my subsequent pregnancy with G came around and I happily basked in the idea of flooding my beloved child with as many calories as he could muster. I'm not exactly certain what my final weight gain was, but if I had to take a guess, I would say that upon entering the hospital to deliver, I was probably close to 65 pounds heavier than I was walking into the transfer.

If there's one thing I'm better at than weight loss, it's weight gain. Wouldn't you say?

Surprisingly, I had textbook perfect blood pressure and no gestational diabetes to speak of during my pregnancy, so with that knowledge, I made a date with the local ice cream parlor almost nightly. So here I sit with the aftermath (praying the little one stays asleep for just 5 more minutes--let me finish this blog at least!) 35 pounds away from my pre-IVF weight and 45 pounds away from a more comfortable weight, one that I can at least live with. I've been a bad girl and penance is due.

I know, people hardly ever stick to New Year's resolutions involving weight loss, but somehow it has worked for me. That and the fact that I need to somehow squeeze my meaty carcass into a bathing suit come June and also have lofty aspirations to become a minor league MILF. Ok, maybe not that last part, but in the very least, to become healthier and set a better example for my little one.

Will I make it to my goal? Well, as my Mom used to say, if you want something badly enough, it'll happen. Just as with every other time, I want this badly. Unlike infertility, this is within my control and if my yo-yo history has taught me anything, it is the difference between my feelings as someone who is obese versus someone who is not. I'll take a helping of the latter, please.


Nikki said...

You've done it before, and I'm quite sure you'll do it again! Good luck with your weight loss.

I need to lose about 10-15 lbs too. It's those few pesky pounds from each IVF that are still on me, and I have to re-claim my body this year!

Let's do it Shelby! I'm here to root you on!

Claudia said...

You've done it before, and you can definitely, definitely do it again! We'll be cheering for you.

Lorraine said...

You'll do it - and at least this is something that's fairly "normal" about pregnancy!

It's worth it to be in good shape for the toddler years - they can be brutal, physically!

Another Dreamer said...

Good luck on the weight loss! The loss you had before was amazing, and you did it once so you know you can do it again.

I am trying to lose weight as well, so well wishes to both our endeavors, eh?

Martha said...

I send you the best for you to reach your fitness goals!