Wednesday, May 4, 2011

On God's Plans

In the few times before I was pregnant with my son that I attempted to come out of the 'infertility closet', I was met with some startlingly harsh commentary, but there is one remark that, although spoken some four years ago, still rings crystal clear in my ears,

"Oh, well this is just God's way of preventing more of these kids we work with from being born."

This was two-fold disgusting. You see, I work in special education and to do so, you must see the innate value and beauty in every person, whether they are 'typically' developing or not. This person (who was a special education secretary) not only pompously assumed that she had a direct line into God's intentions and how those played out in my life, but she revealed her true colors as to what she thought of the very children her position served on a daily basis.

My response? Nothing. Silence. And then I walked away.

Quite frankly, I was too stunned to speak. I mean, I felt like it was the equivolent of someone just squatting down in the middle of the room and taking a leak. You just don't do that in public, you just don't say that to someone, so when it happens, you're just...stunned.

I wish I could walk back in time for that moment. I wish it, but then I wonder, what would I have done differently? Launched into an equally ignorant dialogue, arguing points that might have appealed to logic which the audience would have continued fully lacking? Or would my response have made her think a little harder before opening her mouth again to me, or to someone like me? Could the right words have saved someone else grief in the future?

Regardless of where your beliefs stand, whether you believe God has a hand in everything or whether you believe he/she does not exist, no one is all knowing. No one has a direct line into any organized plan (if there is one) this universe (or God) has, whether that's to spare the world the birth of more children who do not fit her version of the 'master race' (seriously, doesn't this thinking sound nazi-esque?) or to make sure that naughty tattoo yielding, margarita-drinking people such as myself do not reproduce.

So, if this was said to you, what would have been your response? Even with the 20/20 vision that comes from looking back in time, I'm still stumped...


Courtney said...

I do believe in God. I believe in His son Jesus. And I believe that you did the best thing you could've done. Just walk away. You showed that you thought her comment was heartless and mean, but you didn't invite a conversation, because she certainly already seemed to have her mind made up.
And, as a high school teacher, I can't say I'm shocked to hear educators speak like that, but geez. Like you said, every child is a creation of God, and what a terrible way to phrase that! It's nice that she thinks she's got divine conversations, but God had revealed Himself through scripture saying that every child is a gift from above (I think that's Pslams 127...I think).
You did the right thing.
My worst comment was "God doesn't believe in IVF, because it's not natural". After much thought, I realized that if that was true, than he must not believe in tylenol or pacemakers either. THose aren't 'natural'. Sometimes people mean well (Although I don't think you're lady did) but unless you've been in this IF situation or walked through it with someone, it's difficult to understand.
Okay, now I'm just ranting. Sorry about the long comment.

Rebecca said...

I guess we could go about educating the world but if they aren't willing to listen with an open mind and heart then it just a waste of our time. You did what best fit at the time and I'm not sure I would have had the courage to just step away from the stupidity she was spewing from her mouth.

Claudia said...

YARGH!!! That's awful! I do'nt think there was anything you COULD say, unless you had the power to say: YOU'RE FIRED!

Anonymous said...

I am a woman of faith- identify with Christianity....but that doesn't stop the SNARK from coming out!

I probably would have said something equally as bad like "just like cancer and heart disease weed the bad seeds out early huh?" or equally distasteful.

I think it is possible to feel pain for someone that isn't created yet (as in infertility). Your heart hurts.

Why is it okay for a person to be 'thankful' these kids don't exist, yet it would be distasteful for a person to say they are glad people with cancer, heart disease or HIV are dead?

Heartless either way.

SO- to answer the question- I would be a bitch right back. Doesn't make me any better, or just makes me who I am.

A bit of a snarky bitch myself. LOL

Lost in Space said...

She wasn't worth the wasted breath. Seriously, how many people can she offend in one swiping statement? My response would have depended on the day and gone anywhere from walking away to batshit crazy.

And while we are on it, I will never understand it when someone says that they prayed hard enough for something and God gave it to them. He's not a vending machine dispensing wishes.

Carmela said...

Stopping by to let you know that I gave you an award on my blog :)

Claudia said...

Your comment just cracked me up, Shelby - you're too sweet :)