Monday, March 5, 2012

Mother to the End

I am writing my mother's obituary. As much as this is a moment that is natural and circle-of-life, it is at the same time the stuff nightmares are made of. I'm staring at a blank page. How do I begin? 66 years of life thrown into type doesn't seem feasible. The complicated and beautiful and hard and ultimately deeply loving mother/daughter relationship ended and somehow fit into words. Impossible.

Our relationship was just that-complicated. There was so much emotion, for better, for worse, but when I simplify everything, as life and death moments require you to do, I see all that mattered. My Mother loved me. Beyond measure. During her last moments, she worried that I hadn't eaten and insisted I finish her soup. I did, and it was awful. Depite that, I drank every last drop as she no longer had the strength to. She wanted me to go home, get some rest. She could barely speak the words and yet, she devoted the last of her energy to them. Simply put, she was a mother to the very end.

When I think of my last moments, I hope my son can say the same.


Sarang said...

Your Mom so clearly loved's fitting she was a mother to the end. And you, too, are a loving mother to G. Full circle of life.

All my love, dear Monkey Sister, during this difficult time. I hope, one day, I can be such a wonderful Monkey Mom.


The Swann's said...

I'm so sorry. ((((((HUGS))))))

Lorraine said...

I'm so sorry! In the end, and especially in a complicated relationship, knowing that she was cherished as a mother must have been a great comfort to her.

I have a feeling your son will always know that you are a mother through and through, from the very beginning. Lots of good thoughts to you and your family.

cheryllookingforward said...

Thinking of you during this hard time. Lots of love to your family!

peg said...

so sorry for your loss.

Meg. said...

Shedding tears for you over here, M-sis. I'm so glad you and your Mom got to spend those last moments together the same as you spent them when you came into this world. What a beautiful (yet bittersweet) circle, that will continue to live on in your relationship with G.

Sending you so much strength and love as your face your Mom's Life Celebration tomorrow.

Though I've been distant (I'm sorry for that), you've been on my mind a lot. You are loved, friend. *hugs*

Claudia said...

I'm so very, very sorry for your loss.

I Believe in Miracles said...

I'm sorry for your loss.