For several years, I have carefully crafted a blog submission for RESOLVE's NIAW blogger challenge, but this year left me grasping at straws for a response. I guess what left me stumped most was this inertia I've been stuck in. Despite any intentions or even passion I might have for something, the action part of the equation is what I keep getting hung up on. So, devoting an entire blog resolving to DO something seemed futile from the start.
I don't want to give you the impression that I'm not even getting out of bed on most days. Sure, I have to peel myself out from under the covers (who doesn't?) and sure I probably skirt around borderline depression here-and-there, but I still function just fine in the course of an average day (mostly, depending on perspective). My work is done, my kid is fed, my hair is combed. The basics are covered, albeit somewhat thinly. But after all that, it's the 'extras' that I'm having a hard time finding motivation for. It's the things that I set out to do and that I have a heart for that go by the wayside. The things that give me purpose.
For instance, I have always wanted to start either a primary infertility or parenting after infertility peer group in my area via RESOLVE. My clinic has even offered to open up one of their conference rooms for meetings. I've also wanted to get more active with RESOLVE's phone peer counseling. While I may never use the countless years of painstaking research over every nook and cranny of treatment/adoption for myself, I can at least gift that to someone else. I've wanted to register for BlogHer and meet some of my amazing fellow ALI bloggers whose blogs I've followed for years and I always, always wish I was here writing more often. I'd love to start being more thoughtful about saving money for cycling and start getting our pre-cycling tests in order, but frankly, I'm stuck.
There are also a lot of non-IF passions that I'm stalled on as well. Writing, organizing pictures into albums, getting my dog certified as a therapy dog, learning to decorate cakes and sew, joining a choir, getting my educational psychologist license (which is really just paperwork at this point), etc. etc. I'm not sure what's keeping my feet in the mud, but whatever it is, I have a sneaking suspicion that IF has at least something to do with it. Sometimes I wonder if that's why our community is not as loud as it could be. More of us might be following through on these resolutions if we weren't so busy trying to climb out of our own trench and once we do get to the surface, we're either so busy parenting or simply ready to move on that all of those good 'save the world' intentions fall through the cracks. And who can blame us? Infertility is draining.
So, while I would love to resolve to know more about a lot of things, the truth is, I'm not sure I can make that promise now. Maybe when I'm not so up to my eyeballs in my own trench I might be ready. One day.