Thursday, June 25, 2009

IF Blog

While I never begrudged anyone their happiness, especially after enduring the hell of infertility, it always irked me a little when infertility blogs turned into full-blown pregnancy blogs. In fact, oftentimes, it made my heart drop just to see posts comparing offspring to various produce, littered with pictures of baby bumps just sitting in my reader. And yet here I am finding that it is only natural that in writing about my current experience, pregnancy will be one of the main topics of discussion. I never intended this blog to go in that direction and that is likely one of the reasons preventing me from regular writing (that and I am one lazy mo fo). In a way, I feel I am doing a disservice in not speaking about what's actually going on. I'm back to censoring, something that led to the demise of so many of my previous blogs and it defeats the purpose of having one in the first place. So, I'm stuck and I need your help!

I've posted a poll on the side bar looking for general opinions. Please share them openly! And if there's a choice that I've not included that you come up with, please share that as well!


Foster Mama said...

Speaking as a 2 1/2 year "IFer" and still not pregnant, never have been, etc.

Some days seeing another post about someones pregnancy is just too hard and I just avoid those posts but most of the time I enjoy seeing and reading about how everything is going, especailly after someone has dealt with IF and the got pregnant. I gives me hope for the future and that maybe, just maybe one day I'll be there with them. In my expierence, most IFers that get pregnant are more appreciative and do mind their words before posting, they keep us girls still struggling in mind before they post something. I think you should continue to post about whatever is happening in your life.

Jendeis said...

Um, everything that Foster Mama said.

I do find it helpful to see warnings at the top, so if I'm not in a good head space, I can click "Keep as New" and go back later.

Keep posting about your life. We met because of IF, we're friends because we like each other.

Michelle said...

I will read no matter what you write. I want to hear about it (most of the time) and if I don't I just won't read that day. I am happy when someone goes through IF and succeeds. It really gives me hope. So I say write what you want and I will be here cheering you on.

Another Dreamer said...

I say write about what you want to say, it is your blog hun. I will read anyway, because I know what you've been through, and it warms my heart to hear that things are going well for you, and I would love to over my support even when they're not.

Jamie said...

Isn't all our goals to have a pregnancy blog someday:)?? Yes, I agree with the previous poster pregnancy after IVF or infertility is different and they APPRECIATE being there and EVERY SINGLE MOMENT!!! They are cautious and at times hold restraint. I'm going on six years and I'm happy for IVFers who get pregnant. I'm sad for myself as I see more and more turn in to pregnancy blogs, but it shows that IVF works for SOO many who would do without and gives me hope that one day I can go forward with my life.

Cassandra said...

I'm in the same boat, but my tactic is to write an infertility blog that happens to discuss pregnancy sometimes rather than a pregnancy blog. Personally I don't find most pregnancy blogs all that interesting. Personally if I were going to have a blog with nursery decorations or belly shots (which I wouldn't), I would start a separate blog, but if it's less obviously pregnancy-oriented as some of my posts are, I just put a warning at the top.

Lorraine said...

I think it's meaningful to write about your feelings, no matter what stage of the journey you're going through. Pregnancy blogs which serve to document a growing belly or show off a squash-sized fetus aren't really about reflection.

The journey from infertility to motherhood isn't just about finding the right combination of medical miracles that make it happen. The happy ending is a process, and it can be important to show how that happens, too. Some people may not be able to read about any kind of pregnancy, but I think most of us would like to imagine that the hope we have can lead to something good - and it's nice to be able to see how that might play out.

Please write honestly - don't feel you have to temper your happiness just so you still qualify as an infertile. And please don't edit yourself too much just because you're "supposed" to be happy. Be real and let the story tell itself.

I think you're sensitive enough to give us your take on pregnancy without giving us too much hoopla.

Tara said...

I know how it is to be infertile and trying and see posts about women who have been able to cross to the other side. I also now know what its like to be on that other side (even if I've only been here a couple of weeks). I will admit, sometimes I would sort my blogs into "expecting" and "still trying" and on some days maybe just skip over the expecting crowd. Sometimes it's so hard on your heart, ya know? But, as I see it, this is your blog...and while it may have begun as an IF blog, you now have crossed over and you should be able to have your blog change with you. It's your life and YOUR BLOG. If people no longer wish to follow you, then, that's their choice.

I'm here for the long haul, babe!

Tara said...

Also wanted to add...When I said "cross over" I didn't mean that you are no longer infertile. I will never look in the mirror and be like, "Damn, self. You beat that infertile monster." Nope...while I do believe that we are finally going to get a real, live, breathing baby from this 2.5 year struggle, I do NOT believe that just like that I am no longer infertile. I would have never gotten here without really great doctors and a lot of struggle. I'll never leave my infertile roots.

Just didn't want to sound pompous- all -we've crossed over.

Love ya tons...and I always want to "hear" how things are going for you. No matter what journey of life you are in!

M said...

the great and talented lollipop goldstein wrote about this recently... i agree with everyone, keep writing to be true to yourself and your experiences.

Sarang said...

You are so considerate and thoughtful and IF-sensitive to even ask this, my wonderful M-sis. I think you gotta do what's in your heart and best for you and makes you happy. I love that you are blogging again. I missed reading you.

If there are days it is hurtful for me to even *think* of pregnancy, I might take a pause from reading, but would never stop.

Because I'm here for you always...'til the very beautiful end and beyond.