Sunday, May 19, 2013

May ICLW

Hello IF sisters (and possibly a solitary bro out there?)! Welcome! You see, I think my luck is turning. I was just jonesing for chocolate and was convinced that I had nothing in the house. I'll admit I was getting a little desperate. And then, a quick reach in the back of my pantry revealed a well preserved and terrifically delicious chocolate bar. That has to be a sign of things to come, no?

OK. Probably not. Even I'm not delusional enough to think that chocolate can somehow be prophetic. But damn it's good. And so what if I won't be able to button my pants up tomorrow morning? I'm happy now.

Actually, that's how things have been going recently. After many years, one IVF baby, two miscarriages and a diagnosis of diminished ovarian reserve at 34, we decided to go the donor egg route in March, but have been stalled due to finances. For a long while, I was mourning my new diagnosis (which I'm sure I still am) and felt trapped from moving forward, luring me into a wildly bitchy, hate the world place, but in the past week or so, I felt very distinctly that I had made a metric-sized shift in my attitude. I decided to worry about today, to live now and figure out tomorrow's challenges when I was in a better space to do so (kinda like the eat chocolate now, figure out clothing that fits later, which is actually both metaphorical and literal for me).

Active treatment? What's that? I'd love to know, but for now, I'm not there yet. And I will be...someday. And I don't know when the day will be or what that day will look like, but right now, I'm just learning how to be OK with that. And to be better about keeping my house stocked with chocolate.


6 comments:

Rebecca said...

Hi from ICLW. Finding chocolate is always a good thing unless the bar has been bitten into by someone else.

Aaryn Rubin said...

Hope you're hanging in there...

www.myroseamongthorns.blogspot.com

Egg Timer said...

hello from ICLW. Hurray for chocolate! It is good for pretty much everything that ails you!

Frozen OJ said...

Secret chocolate stashes are the best! We're not in treatment right now either, and I definitely went through a mourning period. It feels great when you hit the acceptance stage.

Hilary said...

Happy ICLW! I think your outlook is great - not always easy, but great. Fingers crossed the chocolate stock is never ending

Lauren and Rob said...

Chocolate is a quick fix for in the moment cravings!!! Good luck with learning to be ok with it. That's a hard process and I'm not sure anyone is ever 100% ok with it.