Monday, June 11, 2012

Maybe I'm Overreacting?

Nothing brings out the hypersensitivity than infertility for me. I forget that not everyone exists on the plane where using the term 'implanting' for embryo transfers or suggesting that relaxation cures all makes them homicidal as it does for me.  And as I get closer to my cycle, this becomes more so (and no, I'm not even on meds yet!)

So, keeping this in mind, I have a hard time viewing my recent acupuncture appointment with objectivity. Perhaps you can help me with this...

During our session, I mentioned that my son, G, who is of course an IVF baby, has allergies. Just to clarfiy, they're seasonal allergies and they get pretty pronounced during spring, with runny eyes/nose when he's outside. I don't know about you, but it seemed like EVERYONE had allergies this last season. He also seems to have some minor rashes that crop up from time-to-time, all of which have subsided since the summer has approached. OK, so with that being said, do you know what her response was?

He has allergies because he was the product of IVF, because, as you know, she shares, IVF babies are more likely to have allergies. This was said without any consideration that we have allergies in the family or that we live against an overgrown hill or that perhaps many women needing IVF have more autoimmune issues and therefore are likely to have heritable allergies, thus increasing the numbers of IVF babies with allergies.

Then, as I'm reeling inside from this (but too much of a pussy to call her on her logic that is pointing out a long string of correlation rather than causation in research), she also indicates that I still have toxins in my tissues from IVF...three years later.

I am not here to argue whether any of the above points have basis (although it sounds like it). I think IVF is too young of a technology for us to have all of the answers, but so far what we've seen is what I mentioned--there can be any number of exlplantions for the conclusions she's hung her hat on and announced to me as I embark on another cycle.

But that's still beside the point.

My point is this: if you have an IVF soap box you wish to share, let me give you some advice. Do not pick the moment when you have a paying customer full of needles who is about to embark on a cycle and already has a child conceived via IVF laying in front of you to share it. You with me?

In a way, I felt like she was demonizing the process and, indirectly, me. Your child, her words suggested to me, is less healthy because of something you did. And now you're about to do it again, possibly to another child. Would I have loved to conceive my child without medication? You bet your sweet ass I would, but that wasn't in the cards.  Maybe that makes me sound hypersensitive and paranoid, but even after years of developing thicker skin, I guess this infertile lady still needs to treated with kid gloves because these subjects--infertility and my child, will always be close to my heart.


cheryllookingforward said...

I'm angry for you. I wish I had a snappy comeback or something close. But all I can do is seethe with you.

Sarah B said...

Lame! What terrible bedside manner and how just plain rude! I personally couldn't let that comment slide, particularly since the field of acupuncture itself evades scientific backing. (And I got pregnant through IVF using acupuncture too, so who knows). Probably more zen and productive to let those comments go, but then the ignorance lives on. Hope your treatment is successful and you don't have to hear THAT again...

banditgirl said...

I am fuming here with fury over here. I can't even tell you. Do NOT go back to her, obviously. I would actually write her back with all the beautifully crafted arguments you enumerated here. Though at the same time I'd rather scratch her/his eyes out, after reading the response you got in the other blog entry. Basically, it's your fault, Shelby, it's all your fault, just don't have any children and they won't have allergies???????? Mine don't have allergies and they are big fat ICSI babies! Whatevs. S/he obviously has no concept of spurious (read: pulled out of my ass) relationships or intervening variables. Fuck her/him. Excuse my language. But it really hit hard.

Shelby said...

Spoken like a true scientist, banditgirl. Geesh, she's not even worth the sweat on my balls, and yet I wrote back. Shall post soon. Need to stop fuming. It's not good for anyone, but I really felt the need to make her think twice before speaking her mind to future infertiles.