Monday, March 25, 2013

Obsessive Forum Newbie

For as many years as I've been a blogger, I am brand-spanking new to forums. I'm treating them like my parents would have treated Facebook had I had the extreme misfortune of them finding their way there. You know what I mean: the old folks who have no idea that they're posting a really private conversation on someones public wall? That would've been my folks, but alas, they never did own a computer, so I was saved in that respect. I've already committed a forum faux pas by posting on the wrong board because (like my parents would have been on Facebook), I had no idea I was even in there. Geez. I feel like a fogey.

Anyway, while I've found egg donation forums to be fascinating and informative, there comes a time when a girl just needs to step back and take a deep breath and say, "whoa, buddy, that's a lot of information."  Quite honestly, I'm glad I never made my way into forums in my pre-DOR days. I would've driven myself insane with the countless hours of google research after being given 'food for thought' from fellow posters.  That's about what I'm doing right now and my head is swimming.

With infertility, is it possible that *some* ignorance can be bliss? I miss the days when my RE would suggest a route to take and, given that it was within reason and that I trusted their opinion, I would take it. I mean, don't get me wrong, I did my homework. I pushed for RPL and genetic testing after only one miscarriage. But did I agonize over every clinic's success rates across the country as I'm doing now? Or ask for additional tests that were beyond a traditional panel? No. When first approaching IVF, I found a clinic with decent success rates within driving distance who accepted my insurance for some diagnostics, met with them, liked them and went for it. Of course, that was back in the days when we were plain old 'straight up' MFI (demonstrating how relative things can be when I can refer to an IVF as 'plain'). Now, I'm questioning everything and combing through SART with a fine-toothed comb, feeling like if I go with 'average' then I'll be short changing myself. I'm suddenly becoming willing to fly across the country for a chance at the 'golden egg'. My husband is labeling it obsessive and I think he might be right.

I haven't gone into these almost-9 years of infertility with blinders. I'm well aware of what's out there, but there has been a level of detail in the infertility community that I have very deliberately avoided so as to not become consumed by it. I understand why others would go that route. You must be your own advocate and I know of a friend who is generally fascinated by it. It's interesting, but fascinated I am not. Searching for clinics and additional tests makes me anxious. I realize that to a certain extent it is a necessary evil, but I want to make my time doing this as short as possible. There's the possibility of there being no end. One discovery can lead to another and another and before you know it, a season has passed and you realize you've spent it with your head in google having heart palpitations. Not my cup of tea.

We'll be meeting with our ridicuously over-priced infertility therapist this Friday and maybe then I'll be cured of this obsession. :)


S said...

I get it. I found the forums--and all the information on them--a bit habit-forming in the beginning myself.

There are so many things to consider and so many directions you can go that I found it necessary to set myself some parameters regarding price, success rates, distance I'd travel to a clinic, and donor criteria, among other things. Something to think about if you continue to find yourself obsessing over research and details.

Shelby said...

It's hard to know where to set my limits, except price. Yes, price is where we can begin, because that limit is already in place. But it's hard not to try get bankrupt chasing hope.

AnotherDreamer said...

I've been on a few forums, but I mostly frequent a PCOS site. Being new on forums was hard, I know I made a few faux pas- and I'm sure I still do. For me it helped so much in regards to asking about medications and especially testing after my losses- I made so many wonderful and supportive fellow RPL friends on there. So for me, it helped in a lot of ways.

In other ways, it could be overwhelming, and people can be very judgmental, and quite opinionated. I always tried to weed out which forums were the worst for that, and lurked without posting. I figured that I have enough of my own stress, that I didn't need to seek out more.