Wednesday, October 29, 2008

The 2 WW Mulder/Scully Conundrum

It's setting in. Not just that ever elusive hope, but those expectations that I *try* to keep down because reality is so much easier to digest in that state. But the events of today cracked those plans wide open, leaving me terrified that if there is no BFP at the end of these two weeks, I might just lose it.

But I know better. There will be no BFP. It doesn't work that way. Not for me, at least.

I've been here a million times over (approximately 50, actually, as this is the number of months that have passed since we've been sans BCP). Yet still, delusions are so easy for me to grasp at. Despite my two lonesome little follies, everything else seemed to fall neatly into place, convincing me that this just might work. My cervical mucus is AWESOME. So awesome, in fact, that the NP couldn't even get the slippery speculum into place (ok, who ever thought I would blog about cervical mucus? and describe it as awesome at that? And in caps?). Then, my lining came past the finish line at a thick and fluffy 10. Yeah! Can I get a w00t? But best of all? Wait for it...

Mr. S's baby batter was almost in the normal range for both count and motility!

Hell to the yeah!

I know this doesn't seem very monumental, but let's look at this in relative terms. The type A half of my Gemini twin self has a spread sheet detailing the stats of every semen analysis and IUI sample Mr. S. has ever given. All 5,000 of them. Poor guy has had more dates with RE office porn than he'd care to admit. I will admit my cataloging of this seems a bit overzealous, but the fact that I can't find the title to my house makes up for that anal retention. Priorities, people. Anyhow, the best of the samples was given over 2 1/2 years ago at 21 mil and 20% motility, pre-wash. Since then, the numbers have taken a steep nosedive. The worst? 5 mil and 30% motility, and that was when we got pregnant in April (clearly and completely against the odds). When I opened the paper outside of the RE's office detailing this month's stats, I couldn't believe my eyes. It was... (drum roll, please):

45 mil count and 50 something motility (can't remember specifically), pre wash. Morphology was normal, as it always has been.

Holy shit. Are you sure this is my husband's sample?

Yes. Apparently it was.

You're probably wondering how this happened and there is only one explanation:



Now normally Mr. S. and I are textbook skeptics. Total Scullys. You show me solid proof and I may or may not believe. But after 3 different REs recommended this, I thought it was at least worth a look into. When I did, I saw that they've actually done studies to show improvements in count and motility. Real studies (at least, what looks to be from my limited scientific background). After some convincing, Mr. S. began diligently popping them nightly right after our miscarriage, despite the fact that they tear up his stomach. And now, I'm wondering how I can buy the suckers in bulk. Call me a believer. A total consumer whore. I'm sold.

While I might not have a BFP at the end of this, it increases the chances of it ever happening. Hey, in the very least, we may be able to avoid ICSI, which will save us a ton. In the mean time, I'm trying to stay grounded and not believe that just because of this, it'll work this time, but the Mulder in me is fighting his way through. I guess I'll accept that for now and do clean up later. And so, the 2 WW begins...

16 comments:

Nikki said...

YAY for awesome CM, yay for awesome sperm numbers, yay for all ducks in a row!! :-)

Good luck Shelby - I'm going to keep my fingers crossed the entire 2 weeks with you!

Karen said...

Woohoo for super sperm! I so hope you have a BFP at the end of this. I'll be checking in on you!

Another Dreamer said...

That is freakin' AWESOME!

I hope there's a happy result at the end of the tunnel!

Lorraine said...

Such good news about the swimmers! I hope that makes all the difference this time.

I'm crossing everything possible for the loooooong two weeks!

peasinapod said...

Hi Shelby
I've just read your blog from start to finish and needed to let you know how comforted I feel reading your words. I am 31 years old, 2 years TCC, IUI #3 and most of what you've said rings true for me. Each post I read I kept saying "yes that's how I feel too". The local IF support group in my town closed down and all I have is online support. To know that I'm not alone in this is so......well I have no words to describe it.
Anyway I just wanted to let you know that IF reaches all the way over here in Australia too; including the frustration, insanity and unfairness of it all.
Good luck and thank you for cracking open your closet enough for IF strangers to feel at home. R.

I Believe in Miracles said...

Here is to a smooth sailing 2ww!! I love that you call it "baby batter". That's priceless.

Martha said...

Wow,HECK YEAH! Whoo - HOOOT! That is one fine batch of baby batter. Follies, please say hello to Mr.Sperm and his 45 million brothers...now play nicely, lady and gents!!! Fingers, eyes, and toes crossed, not a pretty sight.

Hope2morrow said...

Wow! What great numbers! Go hubby's baby batter!

Michelle said...

That is so AWESOME!!!! I will be hoping and crossing everything for you that you get a BFP in the end of this wait!

Tara said...

That is AWESOME! I hope you have a happy ending in 2 weeks.

Hugs girlfriend!

Angie said...

Those are awesome stats! I am very impressed with your husband's numbers! (Oh, and a bit jealous) :)
I'll be thinking of you and keeping my fingers crossed. By the way - my RE never gives us a follow up report on my DH's numbers. They tell me at IUI time what his count was but nothing much else. Is it normal to have count, mot and morph numbers provided after a wash?? Is this a stupid question?

Shelby said...

Thanks all!

And R, I'm glad my words could reach someone. That's exactly how I have felt in reading others' stories.

And Angie, I'm not sure about other clinics, but mine 'contracts' out for the sperm wash, so I must pick up the sample at one RE office and hand deliver it to mine. When I do, they also have me pick up the summary of the wash to bring to my RE, so the first thing I do when I get in my car is take a peek.

zsiványlány said...

Shelby, call me anytime if you feel like losing it even before you know for sure! I think our mind/body class then is quite perfectly timed (for me too, I'm scared of things not working out, but you all give me hope, and you all also help me just to be in the moment and try not to think about what may or may not work out). And yeeey, upon your encouragement, I got my RE commit to monitoring me while on Clomid!

MamaSoon said...

Wowza! Nice babybatter! I may need to look into that.

luna said...

glad it's working for you! wishing you many distractions in the wait!

Lost in Space said...

Yay for such a positive cycle!! My DH used to take FB before his first SA and all was normal. He decided to quit taking it and we are in the ICSI range for morphology at his latest SA. Guess who started taking it again. (: So glad it has worked so great for you!!

All by best to you for this cycle. (: