Thursday, April 30, 2009

We Have a Live One!

Just wanted to say that the ultrasound went great and was followed by the most amazing shower of relief. Even if it is only a temporary peace of mind (as I undoubtedly will start the cycle of freaking out in a little over a week's time again-I have it on a timer), I'll take it! The peanut filled the screen and has pretty much outgrown the dildo cam! Even crazier still is that it now has a distinct human profile, which was simultaneously creepy and amazing. But the fact that the little heart was beating away and that she/he was moving it's now long limbs this way and that gave me the most amazing security, something that has been foreign for quite awhile.

I will say this, though. I think the nurse practitioner thought I was totally bat shit crazy. As soon as she came into the room, I started crying and telling her how scared I was, giving her an unprompted miscarriage history, which she was already aware of. I'm not even sure we got as far as normal greetings before I started in with the waterworks. She got a panicked look on her face, thinking something must've happened, but no, you see, the lady is just crazy. I looked over at Mr. S who looked just as startled. You see, this is unlike me. While I'm not exactly stoic, I also rarely wear my heart on my sleeve, especially for strangers, but in the course of communicating how anxious I was, I also inadvertently communicated that I've officially lost it. Oh well. At least I can say that after today, whatever it was I lost, I got it back.

20 comments:

Nikki said...

Congratulations! Breath a big sigh of relief! I know I'm relieved for you!

Good luck going forward!

The Unproductive One said...

Oh yay for the u/s!!

xxx

'Murgdan' said...

So happy for you. :-)

Just Me. said...

Awesome stuff! Am here to tell you that I'm here for you!

ps. Thanks for your email. Sorry for the late reply. I've just replied to it. :)

M said...

yay! i'm so happy everything went well!

also, sorry about bringing up the doppler... i didn't know that part of your story. i can totally get why you'd not ever want to see one again.

Shelby said...

No worries, M. The doppler is actually a great idea for most people. You had no reason to know about my particular neuroses. :)

Sarang said...

Oh my goodness. This made me so, so happy to read! I have a huge smile on my face, just can't stop smiling.

Good for you for getting your emotions out to the nurse!! You ain't crazy, you had to let it out!

Ha. Love that the babe is now, um, "size of dildo cam". Ahem. Only another IF-er would get this!

I Believe in Miracles said...

YEAH!!!!!!!!!! I'm so happy for you sweetie.
~~HUGS~~

Martha said...

Yipee for a Great U/S!! Don't worry about the waterworks, it's an emotional rollercoaster and any caring clinician should "get it".

banditgirl said...

Wow, incredible, incredible! Go girl! And you just did what you needed to do, I am sure the nurse has seen a variation of "losing it" by ladies from our camp. How far along are you right now?

Another Dreamer said...

I am so glad it went well!

My Reality said...

:)

Lorraine said...

So glad your little one is looking distinctly human! Sounds like things are going well - even crying in the ultrasound room seems mostly normal, really. Yay!

Michelle said...

That is such GREAT news! I can't tell you enough how happy I am for you!

courtney said...

I'm so glad you got a few moments of relief and I hope that there is much more peace of mind and heart coming soon.
I think it must be funny, to be married to a nurse or doctor in an RE's office and to hear some of the stories of people reacting funny to all these invasive and scary appointments. I'm sure that nurse has seen patients FAR worse off than you. Sometimes I cry just looking at my follicals! And then the UltraSound tech nurse told me that her looking in my uterus was more entertaining than some vacations she's been on. Now that's weird!

S said...

Just freaking awesome!!! :)

Oh and I hear you on the timed cycles of freak-out. Its like living in 1-2 week increments until the baby's birth.

P.s. I have a doppler too. That's how I found out our daughter had died. I'm not sure I'd use the same one again. Ever. But, I might insist on weekly scans. If I get that far!!

Good luck and just fucking awesome to see that things are progressing so well!!

S

itsazooaroundhere said...

I am SO happy to see that the u/s went well, and baby is waving at you! What an amazing feeling of relief you must have felt. Of course, don't worry for a second about the emotions during your appointment - I'm sure many of their patients have the same fears and concerns. I'm just so glad that everything is going well. Yeah!!!

Guera! said...

I am so glad to hear all is well!

Blossom and Her Fruit said...

Pure magic. I am so happy for you.

Hope2morrow said...

How you feeling, Shelby? Miss your posts.....