Monday, September 24, 2012

What Being Done with Treatment Looks Like

Before the ultrasound:

I have no idea what the ultrasound today will reveal or any ultrasounds thereafter, if we get there. I think it will be good news, a small milestone at the very beginning of many, many others. But I do know this. Should this not prove successful at any point, we are done with treatment for good.

I always wondered what it would feel like to be at the place where I was done. I thought I would be more torn, but I just knew that the game of the gamble wasn't for me any longer. Nevertheless, I do want desperately to add to our family.

Should this not go the direction we hope today or any day thereafter, Mr. S and I have decided to look into adoption. We haven't made a final call, but we have seriously decided to roll up our sleeves and do our homework and see if it's meant for our family. We're done with the lack of guarantee, the drugs, throwing money at companies for a 'chance'. It is finally time to move on and with both possibilities-whether the one I'm brewing right now or a child through adoption, I am filled with hope, but petrified all the same.  I do know this-whoever is meant to join us, will.

Post Ultrasound:

One little sack, measuring on schedule.  I would breathe a sigh of relief, but I've never been one to do that.  Even after my kid's birth I was still a worry wort practically in the same way I was before every ultrasound. Next appointment is in a week. There should be a heartbeat by then. Although my doctor basically alluded to the fact that I need Xanex BADLY, I can't have that, so I guess a bag of chocolate and a bath will have to do as I chew my nails to the quick in anticipation.

8 comments:

Shelby said...

Oh, and by the way, we saw the 'vanishing twin' as clear as day, about half the size of the sack. Strange...

Sarang said...

Keeping fingers & toes crossed for next week's u/s! Love ya, K-Sis!

AnotherDreamer said...

Continuing to hope for you.

Sorry for the vanishing twin and all the uncertainty though.

I Believe in Miracles said...

Yeah for this good news. Hope everything continues well.

Kate said...

This waiting - that I hate sooo much - is the worst. I'm so relieved to have heard good news and I hope to keep hearing these updates!

banditgirl said...

Wow, very intense times, K-Sis, but I also feel the peace. I also feel that whoever is meant to join your lovely family, is on their way, but may take their time to arrive, whatever time that is. But the are coming. Hoping, hoping, sending loving gentle kindness with some divine femininity on top! Hugs.

cheryllookingforward said...

Wow - so there was a vanishing twin. That's interesting. Anyway - I'll be hoping and hoping for you, like always. I hope next week brings good news.

Lorraine said...

Hoping this is it, that you don't have to look at other options and that the vanishing twin is a sign that the one that's growing is the one that is meant to join you.

Lots of good wishes to you!