Tell me, why is it that people drop out of your life for months, even years on end, only to reemerge just to tell you they're either knocked up or just had a kid? Where were you all before that? Do people cease to exist until we are with child?
Take for instance this couple we met on a cruise last summer to Hawaii who are several years younger than Mr. S. and I. Naturally, they were on their honeymoon. We, in turn, were celebrating our seventh anniversary like the old, barren couple we are, with drinks in hand :). I haven't heard a peep from them since, so imagine my surprise (or complete lack thereof) when the husband messages me on Facebook to tell me that, guess what?! They just had a kid!
Of course you did. And "oh, by the way," I say, "I totally forgot that I need to get somewhere so, yeah, congrats and bye." A little cold, but all in the name of self-preservation, folks.
Just when you think you've wrapped yourself up in a solid cocoon of isolation, the fertiles get out their heat-seeking missile and lay their target on you, no matter where you hide. Another example: today I was left to do some work for the school counselor because she had to go home as she is, and I quote, "completely pregnant and hormonal". She's really sweet, actually, but I have little tolerance for this given my current empty-wombed state. After her 'confession', I do not stick around for the obligatory gushing over the pregnancy and her out-of-control hormones. I get the work done and I flee the fertility battlegrounds. But then I step on a land mine on my way out.
After I get home, I discover that even checking the mail is no longer safe. They can hide in there, too. So there it was, lying in wait: Mr. S's cousin's birth announcement, coming on the heels of their first anniversary. Did I open the envelope? Hell to the no. Self preservation. I'm really coming to embrace it.
So, I'm wondering, am I more aware of all things/people fertile because I am not, or are they just especially loud about reproducing? Or both? My feeble attempts to protect my heart have been insufficient lately, leading me to believe that I might as well fully join the universe. They'll** find me any way you slice it.
**They, as in fertiles, most of whom in my life I love, so don't peg me for a fertile hater! :)
8 comments:
"the fertiles get out their heat-seeking missile and lay their target on you, no matter where you hide"
I recently ran into a friends mother (at doggy daycare) who informed me my fertile old friend recently gave birth to IDENTICAL twin girls (she also has two others). I absorbed the news and dealt with it.
I then get photos from said 'doggy daycare' (because I'm infertile, and my dog gets lonely too) from a doggy birthday party (yes, they do that too, but he just goes as a guest)...WHO is in those pictures!? Those pictures that, to me, are my doggy-mommy memories??
OLD FERTILE "Ooops I'm having twins because my eggs are so fertile they spontaneously split my embryos sometimes" friend.
Why are YOU petting my dog??? I haven't seen you in 10 years! Get your fertile fingertips off my fur-baby!!!
Oh, wow, sorry--didn't know I had that in me! Where did it come from?
:-)
They do seem to pull that don't they?
Sorry for the rough day.
I think it's a combination of, well, they are everywhere. (They should speak in lower voices, darn it.) And, we are hyper aware of it at times. It's a double edged sword.
I think it's our stage in life... people get married, people reproduce. And I think we're just far more in tune to it, because the latter is hard for us. I've got 5+ people I know who are pregnant or about to pop. I just found out one yesterday.
The people I get offended are the people I know started trying after us and know that we started trying before hand. Others I just get a minor jealous twinge and then shake it off. I wish I wouldn't get upset. Seriously, I wouldn't wish this on anyone.
The grass is always greener. We had dinner with friends who had 2 kids. They were jealous of us because we could just pick and go camping one weekend or hang out and do whatever, where they are tied down.
It's just hard. Plain and simple. We all need a lot of grace.
***HUGS***
It's like we need to gingerly put one step in front of another, lest we step on a land mine of pregnancy news, announcement, or just fertility goo rubbed in our faces. I'm with you - sick and tired!
I'm so paranoid now that I'm suspicious even if a friend calls / emails to ask if we're free that evening or the weekend or something. I'm always thinking "Why do they want to meet us - are they pregnant?"
Oh the joys of IF!!!
Huge hugs. I totally feel your pain and am surrounded by baby bumps these days. I think we are more hyper-sensitive to it because it is something we are so desperately trying to achieve. I also think that most people can relate in one way or another to a pregnant woman (when my wife was pregnant, when I was pregnant, etc.) so when they see an obvious pregnant woman, they MUST share their happy story too.
Some days and some situations are just harder to deal with. Sending lots of hugs your way.
they are everywhere and those out of the blue attacks are awful. at least it wasn't in person -- those are the worst. no place is safe.
my reaction is often also "of course you are."
For Random Reassurance Week, I just wanted to let you know how much I love your sense of humor.
**HUGS**
There's nothing worse than being ambushed by the mailbox....well, except for everyone you know deciding to become pregnant when you haven't been able to.
ICLW
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