Thursday, November 6, 2008

Mind Games

I am being seriously mind f$%&ed by this 2 WW. A snippet of my inner monologue over the span of 10 seconds should help you enter my madness:

Second #1: Ooh. Cramps! Even better, a sharp twinge! I didn't feel that except when I had a BFP!
Second #2: It's the progesterone you idiot. You're not pregnant, you silly nit.
Second #3: But I never felt this with my BFNs, even when I was taking progesterone!
Second #4: Well, you were never taking 3 a day back then, either. So, ha! You're not pregnant. You're just delusional.
Second #5: Oh, did you feel that back ache? I am so definitely pregnant.
Second #6: You always get back aches and bloating now. You blogged about it. You're no spring chicken anymore, ya know.
Second #7: Ok, if I am pregnant, then I might actually be able to get an ultrasound by Thanksgiving. That would be a pretty sweet holiday present. And I would be due in July. What great timing for the school year!
Second #8: Before you go entering that into your calendar, let me remind you: YOU'RE NOT PREGNANT. You probably won't be for some time. In fact, you'll be lucky to be pregnant by July. Actually, you'll be lucky to be pregnant EVER.
Second #9: Did I mention I was tired?
Second #10: You're always tired, cause you stayed up too late last night and let's face it, you're kind of a lazy ass. And you cut out all of your caffeine cold turkey, which is bound to make you comatose. No need to thank pregnancy hormones for that one!

19 comments:

Nikki said...

You are pregnant. Only a pregnant mind can go back and forth like that :-)

Wow - 2ww dragging on huh? When do you test? Sorry if I've asked you this a million times and you've answered me a million times - my brain's not what it used to be!

Hang in there sweetie!

Shelby said...

Test is on Wed. the 12th. Although I got a BFN from a POAS last time and got a BFP from the beta the next day, I'm still going to POAS the day before this time. I'd rather break the news to myself than have some nurse who doesn't know me tell me over the phone.

Another Dreamer said...

Sorry the TWW is messing with ya. I hope it worked and you'll have good news at the end of the TWW :) Hoping, hoping, hoping.

Nikki said...

I'm going to pray extra hard for you next week. Really really hoping for you! Hugs!!

Sarang said...

"Hope IS a good thing, maybe the best of things..."

I am so, so hoping for you.

Lorraine said...

It seems like forever until Wednesday! The progesterone just accumulates in your system until it fakes you out completely - especially if your corpus lutei didn't get sucked out of your body in a retrieval, since those are what make the progesterone naturally. Yikes! you must be driving yourself bonkers...

Christi said...

too funny, your entry is exactly what I've been thinking!! :P

Michelle said...

The 2WW sucks!! I have had that exact conversation with myself on many occassions. Hang in there!

still waiting said...

You have just written what is in my mind. My beta is the 13th, and hub and I decided to POAS the day before.
good luck!!

zsiványlány said...

Shelby, this is exactly what I go through, even without IUIs. And I don't (pardon my French) fucking know why I bother. I can't help it. It's gotten better with the support of Monkeysistas, and I also to consciously suppress those guessing games. It's different for you though. You went through quite a daily ritual to make this happen. I think of you every day. Breathe and breath. Put on that second track on the relaxation CD. When I was able to stop the guessing game, getting my AF was somewhat less traumatizing. (and come to brunch on Saturday, if you feel like it--we will always be there to listen to any variations of your madness!)

Jill Cathey said...

You are doing so great on the 2ww. I had an IVF, and the transfer breaks things up in the middle (4da6dt today). Hope you can keep yourself occupied until Wed! Good luck and sticky thoughts

Martha said...

Wow, that is some interior dialogue you have going there. Sending my best Shelby.

Just Me. said...

I hate to be mindfucked like that! I really do. Half the time you're thinking, OK, THIS IS IT..and then the next split second, you go, NAH, DEFINITELY NOT cuz you wanna protect yourself from getting hurt!!!

Will be going to church this weekend and will definitely be lighting a candle for you.

((((hugs))))

Lost in Space said...

I know that inner dialogue all too well. Here's to hoping all your "odd" second thoughts are the right ones. (: Hang in there, sweetie.

courtney said...

2ww's are just awful. I love that you gave us some insight to your mind though, because I feel like I'm doing the same thing. I'm pregnant, I'm pregnant not, I'm pregnant, I'm... You get the point. Good luck!

Karen said...

The 2ww drives everyone to the brink of insanity. Or maybe it's just me. Anyway, I've been there and I empathize with you. It sucks. I hope Wednesday comes quickly and the result is a positive one.

'Murgdan' said...

Hope you're hanging in there through the 2WW....2 days to testing, huh?

I Believe in Miracles said...

2ww does suck big time. 2 days until test. Crossing fingers for you.
**HUGS**

banditgirl said...

Sending you lots of lots of hope, and don't forget to put on that track #2!