I am Hereby Employed

So the TSA and Oakland PD thing was never the issue. It turns out that when there are delays because of shady backgrounds, the school district gets a copy of the rap sheet. Seeing as how there never was any rap sheet to begin with, they didn't receive anything. As someone previously hypothesized (I forgot who!), I suspect it was due to the state finger print peeps being backlogged as after I left a panicked message begging them to free me from my pajama-wearing, lazy-ass self, they called back this morning saying that it would be expedited and cleared today (my message was really pathetic, earning me 100,000 sympathy points). Therefore, tomorrow, I will be officially employed and regretting that I ever made that call to begin with. There's just something satisfying about skipping meals to play 12 straight hours of the Sims. And something really, really sad.