Thursday, September 25, 2008

No Goods, but Paying the Price

Besides the lovely hospital socks I got from my D&C, I have a few other leftover 'charms' from my pregnancy. Or at least I think that's where they came from. Two of the earliest symptoms I had when I was so briefly pregnant were bloating and lower back pain. Historically, I had never really ridden the bloat boat, even during my periods, but most of my days with child were spent wondering how I'd fit the double chocolate chip milkshake into my gut. Trust me, somehow I managed. And while I've had lower back pain in the past, it was never like this-nothing so diabolically twisted as to come at a point in my life when I didn't even believe in taking tylenol.

So, since then, my body has played a sick, sick joke on me. No baby, but lots o' symptoms. Fun. I now consistently get bloated after eating every meal and have similar lower back pain for weeks at a time, none of which coincide with AF (which would make sense if it did as these symptoms are not partial to just being PG). Could it be that my 'chemistry' has changed since the pregnancy? Better yet, could it be that my body is stupid enough to still think its pregnant? Wouldn't surprise me. I mean, it's not exactly getting the lifetime achievement award for reproduction. Has this ever happened to any of you or (for those of you who might have an inkling) what in the Sam hell is happening here? (is that how the expression goes...Sam hell? I probably have it wrong and if not, where in the world did that come from?)


Nikki said...

My trophy from my little few weeks of pregnancy? A line down the middle of my tummy - people get that in the 5th / 6th month. I got it in 5 weeks. For normal people, it goes away (I believe). For me - no. It's there, so I can see it every day!

I also feel like my body chemistry has changed. It could also be that I've drugged and injected my poor body so much that it's crying out for relief!

And I'm sorry you're having to deal with the news of your DH's cousin's baby. Are there really people in the world that conceive in 2 weeks of trying? Or 2 months? Or ever - without medical intervention?

(See, I'm losing my mind here!! :-) )

Another Dreamer said...

All I have from mine is the E.R. records from the miscarriage. And a persistent mild nausea. But that could be my nerves I suppose.

Sorry for the news. (*hugs*)

Sometimes I feel like the fertile world keeps passing me by, and I'm stuck in time watching them all pass in a blur. And I stand to the side, left behind.

Tara said...

I am sorry. I was only pg for like 2 weeks, so, I barely had an idea it was even there. I hope if it changed your chemistry its for the good.

I'm sorry about the cousin's baby. R has a cousin that "so desperatly" wanted kids and now all she does is complain about them (her first was IVF and her 2nd she dares to say was a "mistake"). I want to hit her in the face. IF makes us so nice, doesn't it?

Anyway, I hope tomorrow is better. I am here for you.

Lorraine said...

I mostly have a chronic underlying depression and some occasional nagging hostility as reminders of my miscarriages.

But - this is absolutely true medical fact - whenever you are pregnant, miscarriage or no, fetal cells do get into your circulatory system and are there for years. So it makes all kinds of sense that you might have some kind of ongoing reaction. Here is the link, just in case you think I'm making this up...

Plus, thanks for the tag! So good to have something else to write about during my month of suppression.

Lorraine said...

Oops - somehow the last bit got cut off... it was originally in an article in Science News, Feb 10, 1996, titled "Kids: Getting Under Mom's Skin".

seriously? said...

Here from ICLW. I am sorry for your loss. I have to say my smell was altered after my m/c. I am an EMT and ride on an ambulance. Now I can't stand the smell of pee (which lots of our patient smell like).

I am sorry about the news, but you aren't a jerk. My DH had a friend who got his gf preggo in the 4 weeks she wasn't supposed to have fun after an elective abortion. I refused to congratulate them when the baby was born as in my head they were murders. I still haven't, a year later.

Shelby said...

Fascinating article Lorraine!

Trace said...

You're not a jackass. It's totally normal!!

courtney said...

It's weird how being pregnant or just ttc can really screw with your body chemistry.
It feels like these last two+ years of TTC have wreaked havoc on my cycles. There is no longer a 'normal'. I'm left wondering if that is because I'm getting older, or if it's because I now scrutinize each detail that I didn't do previous to going off birth control.
Take care and enjoy the weekend... Wow, really, they only tried for 1 cycle? Two weeks? I just can't imagine what that must feel like....

g said...

i dont have any answers as i was only PG for a very short time.. and who can differenciate between PG hormones messing with ya and the hormones we are pumped with to get PG.. So sorry that there are changes nad these remind you of sad times.. :( (((HUGS)))

sorry as well about the announcements.. i too feel like tara taht the world is passing DH and i by with light speed and we are stuck going backwards... I just want it to be our turn already! why do we all have to be put through so much! enough is enough already!!


nancy said...

I think your body's chemistry can, in fact, change from a pregnancy. (I'm really sorry about your loss. ~hugs~.)

Also, when you get to learn how your body actually acts with something you haven't experienced before, it now has given your brain a bunch of information it can use at it's pleasure. I think the mind is a wonderous organ that has the ability to seriously FUCK with us as it sees fit.

(pregnancy mentioned, please skip if you aren't in that place right now. I read about hearing the announcement of the cousin's baby was tough, so I completely understand if you don't want to read the rest of this comment)

For example - when I was ttc my first baby, every month I would have every "movie" symptom I've ever read about, every month. I thought everyone had those symptoms you get in the movies and yup, my brain let me feel all of them. And then as soon as I got a BFN, whammo! My symtoms were gone. On the 18th month when I got a BFP, I had every symptom until I started to feel my normal cramps. I thought I was out of the running and all my symptoms went away just like that. I had quite a shock when the result was different when I actually POAS a few days later.

My whole point is the brain is strong. It doesn't just make you ~think~ you have symptoms, but it can actually ~give~ you said symptoms. Back in college, I participated in a psych study in where we paid volunteers to "test a poison ivy cream". In the morning, we had these students come in and we sprayed their forearm with what we SAID was a solution of water and poison ivy. (it was pure bottled water. NO poison ivy at all) We told them to not wash it off and to come back in 2 hours for the cream. I was SHOCKED at the results. Many of them came back with their arms red, rashes and some even had major reactions like blisters. From WATER! Just goes to show how freaking crazy the brain can be and how it can actual manifest real honest to goodness symptoms.

Okay, that's a really long comment as my first comment ever (ICLW). So please forgive me.

Cassandra said...

Here from ICLW...

Hmm, if your husband's cousin was trying for 2 weeks, then they don't seem to understand the female cycle very well. But apparently, that doesn't make a difference for some people!

My biggest "gift" from my first miscarriage? I never used to get motion sickness or other nausea before then. Now, it's not terrible, but I do get occasional motion sickness. Whenever I'm reading a map in the passenger seat of a car, or on a plane, I get to be reminded of my first miscarriage.

Take care.