I am convinced that 99.999% of IF treatment is comprised of waiting, and if there's anything I'm not good at, it's exactly this. So, here I am again. No, I am not in the middle of the dreaded 2 WW, which I've done an agonizing four times before, but in some ways, I find the wait between cycles more torturous...ok, maybe not. I was kind of fibbing there. I'd rather carefully twist the teeth out of my head than be met with a 2 WW (whose days I am convinced resemble nothing in Earth days, but some Alien 78-hour day). Yet still, even without the 2 WW, I have found ways to blow up my RE's phone lines.
Like yesterday, when I had my useless PG test and was almost convinced that it just *might* be positive. Of course, it wasn't (as AF proved today), but from 9 AM (the time I took the test) until 4:30 PM (the time they called me, several hours after they said they would and many messages from me later), I was wringing the bottom of my shirt into knots, staring at my phone as if I could telepathically activate it. Now my wait is focused on getting more test results back...genetic and baseline bloodwork, so I can glory in how very un-reproductive my body continues to be. I hate the wait for bad news and I feel like that's all I ever do in this journey. But I suppose it's better than waiting for nothing at all.
6 comments:
I understand your pain of waiting and feeling like all we ever receive is bad news. It WILL one day pay off, and maybe God is trying to teach us all about that through this journey. For me, I think I am being taught about losing control.
In the words of Tom Petty, "The waiting is the hardest part" (that and BFNs, of course). I think it's so difficult because we can't DO anything about it. It's all out of our hands. I hope your wait for your b/w results passes quickly and your next 2ww is a wait for good news.
Hugs, my friend. I completely understand. We seem to wait for everything in this journey when we wanted babies years ago. I can't hurry up the process for you, but I'm here to listen through the wait. I hope the rest of your "waits" end with great news.
I hate the waiting part. And I hate it whenever it's a BFN cuz we go through another month of wait!
(((((hugs)))))
hi shelby, you're right about the waiting. I also think it's because everything seems completely beyond our control. no matter how much we do for ourselves, we can't control the outcome.
thanks for your comment before!
Thanks all. Your comments are so appreciated. As a new IF blogger, I am thankful to say that I actually have people in my corner who understand, which is so hard to find in a seemingly fertile world.
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