Tuesday, August 26, 2008

To IUI or to Not IUI, That is the Question.

Come my next cycle (given that all genetic testing is A-OK), we'll be headed into IUI #5. Most people would have moved onto IVF over 2 IUIs ago, but not us. We're a stubborn bunch, made of bull horns and that plastic wrapping that comes around toys. And, of course, we're also completely terrified of the huge chunk of change required to make that next step. But as we move forward (or stay stationary, depending on the outcome), I am realizing that Mr. Shelby and I are not exactly on the same page in our IF journey. While I'm perusing the end, he's still stuck in the prologue.

If it were up to Mr. S, we'd likely try 3 more IUIs before moving on, making for a grand total of 7. Of course, his point is that not only is it magically cheaper (and even cheap after insurance), but our fourth was successful (well, at least in getting 2 lines, the full-term pregnancy is still elusive to us). He's looking at it strictly from a numbers perspective: it happened one of four times, so a few more tries is likely to yield 'results', especially since the first few only produced one mature folli. But now that we know my magic brew for 3-4 follis, things are bound to happen, right? At least that's what Mr. S thinks. Me, I'm not so optimistic.

Frankly, I'm ready to get this show on the road. I'm ready to see what our future holds, whether that means a biological or adopted child, and I'm ready to do that now. I'm tired of feeling like I'm in limbo and waiting for my life to start. If it were up to me, and if money were no object, we'd already be heading straight into an IVF cycle. Of course money is an object-a panic attack-inducing object, at that, so I've compromised for now. 2 more IUIs, back-to-back cycles. None of this waiting for a month or two. If no cigar, then it's a Christmas IVF for us. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. Head straight for the crazy-making drugs and fill me up with embies!

At this point in time, our REs (this is plural, as we are bouncing between two right now) are comfortable with our scenario (2 IUIs and then IVF), even with moderate to severe male factor IF. I'm willing to try a few more over the next few months. After all, I am an IUI pro. I can balance the test tube of baby batter in my bra with the best of them. Speculums, catheters-all cake to me. I weather the highest possible dosage of Clomid without a dash of the homicidal rage that usually accompanies my PMS. But after that, we're getting out the big guns. Mama's not getting any younger. And Mama's getting antsy.

Mr. S, on the other hand, doesn't even want to think that far ahead. (ahem, December is a little over 3 months away, buddy boy). Being a long-term goal kinda gal myself, I always like to have a rough game plan at least 5 years in advance. Maybe that's the type A part of my personality (the type B part is the one who recently bought a very child-unfriendly convertible) . Of course life doesn't fall that neatly into place, but it's helpful for guidance. Part of that long-term plan is about how far I'm willing to go with treatment and at the moment, I've decided on two fresh and two frozen IVF cycles. Mr. S won't even discuss this. He feels that it is way too soon to even think in that direction. And he definitely does not want to even speak the 'A' word (adoption). I feel that we might as well start to discuss all of the above as they may be very real possibilities for us. But I guess I should let him come to his conclusions in his own time.

I guess I'm also just impatient. It's been 4 years and then some. I'm feeling like these upcoming IUIs may be further practice in futility, but then again, it's not just my decision, it's ours.

12 comments:

Trace said...

I've been exactly where you are on so many occasions. I did 7 IUIs (3 unmedicated and 4 with clomid) and then moved onto IVF. I totally skipped over the IUI with injectible route because of impatience.

Your husband and my husband seem to have a lot in common (grrr). I too am hearing the clock ticking in my ear (I'm 34).

Nikki said...

I did 5 IUI's myself before moving on to IVF. Little did I know I would be at a point where I am about to jump into 5 IVF's - all for TTC#1!!!!

The paths we travel! And oh how woefully different the DH's views are - always! Mine has now been hormonally attacked and beaten into remission so much so that he now is drawing flow charts and showing me my options before I open my banshee mouth again!! LOL

Good luck Shelby - oh, and are you still in SF bay area? You mentioned you're from here, and then you've mentioned several moves, so I was wondering...

AnotherDreamer said...

It is a joint decision, but he's going to have to look at things from your point of view sometime. He needs to really understand what it's like from your perspective. Maybe someday soon he will be able to do that, and you won't be stuck in this limbo. Or maybe another IUI will do the trick :)

Sorry you're feel a bit exasperated.

g said...

HOping that the next IUI will work so you wont have to worry about what next.. BUT with that being said i am like you i want all the possiblilities laid out on the table.. DH is more the we wil figure it out when it happens type.. that drives me nuts! i dont want to be caught in a jam!! especially when it comes to $$$...what i did is voice my concerns with his "lets wait" attitude and he actually understood.. Just a thought to try?
even with IVF things dont always go as planned... there are def no guarentees in IF.. we have found that out the hard way...

Will be keeping everything crossed that the next one is it for you!!! and no more waiting unless its 9months to see your precious one! ;)!!!

I Believe in Miracles said...

Wow. There is a lot in this post. I can totally sympathize with the wanting to stop waiting for your life to start. You are extremely brave. Good luck!! Hoping this IUI will prove your convertible unpractical.

Hope2morrow said...

Hang in there. Boys arrive at conclusions later than we do. And who's to say you can't begin some research regarding finances, options, time, etc and let him jump on board later when he moves on to other options too?

I do want to warn you that many clinics only offer IVF for a week or two in December because they take holiday breaks and close down clinics and do cleaning and such. Make sure not to get your hopes up too high in case your cycle happens to fall in one of those "off weeks." Hopefully your clinic can plan around your IUI's, but I'm even more hopeful you won't have to go there!

Jay Leiner said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
MamaSoon said...

This is a hard road and it only makes it harder when we aren't on the same page as our spouse. good luck to you.

Karen said...

I agree with hope2morrow. Why not research your options so the info is ready to share with DH when he's ready? That way you feel like you have some more control over the situation and he can keep living in the moment.

Lost in Space said...

Wow, so much to think about!! Hugs to you.

I agree with hope2morrow in going ahead to research IVF while doing the IUI's. One of the most difficult things through all this is when we are at different places in this journey than our significant others. It's hard when one or the other just isn't ready to move forward to the next step. Could you and your DH agree to a set number of IUIs before moving onto IVF? He picks 4, you pick 2 and meet in the middle with 3 and then that is it.

It's hard, I know. I never thought my DH would be open to adoption, but things are changing before my eyes. Be patient, but keep nudging him forward the best you can.

Good luck. I truly hope your next IUI seals the deal!!

Shelby said...

Thanks all for your supportive words and great advice! It is so greatly appreciated, especially after being the ONLY infertile I know (besides Mr. S) this side of 4 years. I have been in constant IVF research mode this summer (went to a few information seminars and learned more than I ever thought existed-like ICSI, which we'll need, and PGD, which is also likely).

Next up is pegging the financing/pricing piece. I'll keep working on this. In the mean time, thanks!

dark_one said...

My name is Holly Lem and i would like to show you my personal experience with Clomid.

I am 28 years old. I got preg first time on my own & miscarried. after a while of trying, my dr put me on clomid. after the first round i got pregnant & miscarried. i decided not to try or think about it at all probably for a 9 months... right around the time baby would be due & then started trying again. after a few months got back on clomid. after 5 months and no pregnancy i'm giving it a rest again. it's to much disappointment. i'm going to give it a try again soon, in the mean time we're keeping our fingers crossed for the old fashioned way to work.

I have experienced some of these side effects-
HOT FLASHES, moody, cry easily, weight gain, headaches etc!!

I hope this information will be useful to others,
Holly Lem

Clomid Prescription Medication