Come my next cycle (given that all genetic testing is A-OK), we'll be headed into IUI #5. Most people would have moved onto IVF over 2 IUIs ago, but not us. We're a stubborn bunch, made of bull horns and that plastic wrapping that comes around toys. And, of course, we're also completely terrified of the huge chunk of change required to make that next step. But as we move forward (or stay stationary, depending on the outcome), I am realizing that Mr. Shelby and I are not exactly on the same page in our IF journey. While I'm perusing the end, he's still stuck in the prologue.
If it were up to Mr. S, we'd likely try 3 more IUIs before moving on, making for a grand total of 7. Of course, his point is that not only is it magically cheaper (and even cheap after insurance), but our fourth was successful (well, at least in getting 2 lines, the full-term pregnancy is still elusive to us). He's looking at it strictly from a numbers perspective: it happened one of four times, so a few more tries is likely to yield 'results', especially since the first few only produced one mature folli. But now that we know my magic brew for 3-4 follis, things are bound to happen, right? At least that's what Mr. S thinks. Me, I'm not so optimistic.
Frankly, I'm ready to get this show on the road. I'm ready to see what our future holds, whether that means a biological or adopted child, and I'm ready to do that now. I'm tired of feeling like I'm in limbo and waiting for my life to start. If it were up to me, and if money were no object, we'd already be heading straight into an IVF cycle. Of course money is an object-a panic attack-inducing object, at that, so I've compromised for now. 2 more IUIs, back-to-back cycles. None of this waiting for a month or two. If no cigar, then it's a Christmas IVF for us. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. Head straight for the crazy-making drugs and fill me up with embies!
At this point in time, our REs (this is plural, as we are bouncing between two right now) are comfortable with our scenario (2 IUIs and then IVF), even with moderate to severe male factor IF. I'm willing to try a few more over the next few months. After all, I am an IUI pro. I can balance the test tube of baby batter in my bra with the best of them. Speculums, catheters-all cake to me. I weather the highest possible dosage of Clomid without a dash of the homicidal rage that usually accompanies my PMS. But after that, we're getting out the big guns. Mama's not getting any younger. And Mama's getting antsy.
Mr. S, on the other hand, doesn't even want to think that far ahead. (ahem, December is a little over 3 months away, buddy boy). Being a long-term goal kinda gal myself, I always like to have a rough game plan at least 5 years in advance. Maybe that's the type A part of my personality (the type B part is the one who recently bought a very child-unfriendly convertible) . Of course life doesn't fall that neatly into place, but it's helpful for guidance. Part of that long-term plan is about how far I'm willing to go with treatment and at the moment, I've decided on two fresh and two frozen IVF cycles. Mr. S won't even discuss this. He feels that it is way too soon to even think in that direction. And he definitely does not want to even speak the 'A' word (adoption). I feel that we might as well start to discuss all of the above as they may be very real possibilities for us. But I guess I should let him come to his conclusions in his own time.
I guess I'm also just impatient. It's been 4 years and then some. I'm feeling like these upcoming IUIs may be further practice in futility, but then again, it's not just my decision, it's ours.