Thursday, August 7, 2008

Your Good News is Never Good for Me

If you were one of the brave warriors who made it through my last marathon entry, you might have picked up that my hubby's negative reaction after the RE might have not solely been due to money (although that didn't help). After all, he had just been given a heavily marked up lab sheet with a list of things that could be wrong with him, possible discoveries of why we can't seem to get this baby making afloat. And as with our last RE, he was the focus and we were once again diagnosed with male factor. Trust me. I know how it feels to be physically broken and to leave an RE's office feeling grateful, but defective. So, I should have picked this up in him instead of taking his word for it. He finally owned up to (most) of these feelings yesterday, amidst apologizing. In the end, he is sweet, supportive, and whatever his ultimate goal (which will be revealed in time), he's still there for me.

In fact, he was there last night as I cried after I found out a friend of mine is due 5 days before I would have been. Although not a close friend, she's one of the few who knows about my IF and nevertheless, she splashed the news, the baby's gender, and the name across my site without thought. I know I shouldn't expect so much from people who have never been in my shoes, but can't they even begin to see how that might hurt? She however does not know about the miscarriage, so I will give her that pass. But geez, it's been two years since I spoke to her and at that time I was pursuing treatment and as she can see, still no kid. I would never think to gush about how happy my marriage is on an unhappily single friend's site. Can't people do the same for me? While I don't believe anyone should ever conceal their good news, it might be more tactful just to state it rather than use caps and exclamation marks across the page. Just a thought.

In other news, I have an update on the new leaf: I've lost 2 pounds so far (most likely water weight) and am hungry enough to gnaw my arm off, but I know the first week is always the worst. Wish me further motivation, because I need it!


Lost in Space said...

I'm so glad your DH was able to talk about how he's feeling. I think they need to blog too to learn how to get it all out. (:

I like to compare IF situations with friends to the loss of a parent. (It only works if they know of your IF). People know how to react when someone loses a parent, but don't know what to do with IF. I couldn't imagine a friend plastering exclamation points all over my page about the perfect Father's day they gave their dad when they know that mine is gone. It's my own little check to make sure I'm not over-reacting with my IF clouded mind. You are not. (: I am so sorry she is due so close to what you were. That has to be especially hard. (hugs)

Two pounds is awesome!!! Keep at it. You are doing great!!!

Shelby said...

That's funny you use that analogy as I used that same one the other night in explaining it to my hubby, except I used a Mother. After losing yours, would it be acceptable for a friend to gush about their recent and amazing Mother/Daughter shopping/coffee/bonding experience? Of course not.

Thanks for the drop in!

Karen said...

I'm glad you and your DH were able to come to some understanding about his negative reaction. So often, DH's don't share what they're feeling and it's easy to forget how much IF must hurt them too. I know that was the case with my DH. Somehow, when he finally did share, it made me feel better. I hate that he hurts, but it was good to know that he does if that makes sense.

As for your friend, I like Brenda's comparison. Unfortunately, so many people just don't get it.